


do not go gentle

by malaccompagnee



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 15:54:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21340807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malaccompagnee/pseuds/malaccompagnee
Summary: Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight // And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, // Do not go gentle into that good night.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	do not go gentle

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by (but is not an au of) the movie interstellar. the title and summary go to the reccuring poem do not go gentle into that good night by dylan thomas. reposted from my livejournal.

The day they leave the Earth, Chanyeol is quiet. He is amongst the few that chose to opt out of The Sleep, if only for lift off. Kyungsoo is strapped in beside him, because of course he can’t leave Chanyeol awake alone, and spends their last few seconds watching Chanyeol watch the Earth.  
  
As the countdown starts and the noise level of the spacecraft seems to multiply tenfold, Kyungsoo nudges Chanyeol in the arm.  
  
“Hey,” he whispers into his intercom. They’re allowed a private connection, a privilege Kyungsoo is continuously grateful for. “Chanyeol.”  
  
When Chanyeol shows no sign of hearing, Kyungsoo sighs. Thirty seconds until lift off.  
  
“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says again, “Chanyeol—”  
  
Kyungsoo cuts off when Chanyeol finally turns to him, words robbed from his mouth when he sees the tears in Chanyeol’s eyes.  
  
“We did this, Soo,” Chanyeol croaks, and there’s no way for Chanyeol to wipe at his wet face with the helmet in place. “We did this to her.”  
  
Kyungsoo doesn’t have anything to say to that. He knows Chanyeol doesn’t mean it personally, doesn’t mean _we_ in the literal sense. It doesn’t stop the wave of guilt crash over him. He doesn’t get a chance to reply, though, before the force of their acceleration thrusts him against his seat.  
  
Kyungsoo doesn’t look back at the world they’re leaving behind. But Chanyeol does.  
  
  
_(“Ah, don’t think like that, Soo!” Chanyeol laughs and throws an arm around his smaller friend. “We’re gonna do it. Because we’re the best. It’s gonna work and we’re gonna be real super heroes and save the world.”)_  
  
  
When they reach their new world, still unnamed, there isn’t much time for heartfelt conversations. Almost every hour of their new 62 hour day is spent in the rebuilding process. Theirs was the last flight out, and with them what they were able to carry. They were allowed one keepsake each. Chanyeol had chosen a generic packet of carrot seeds. Kyungsoo had chosen Chanyeol.  
  
The past five colonies welcome their arrival graciously, and Kyungsoo feels infinitely uncomfortable with the standing ovation they give him upon arrival. He does not want applause. For however many he’s saved, he’s failed hundreds more.  
  
Chanyeol, beside him, looks about the same, but Chanyeol’s always been better at faking it than Kyungsoo. At least he’s got a smile on his face – only Kyungsoo knows how insincere it is. They’re ushered to their new home, a modest two-bedroom affair fitted with some of their most advanced technology. Kyungsoo almost wants to protest, especially when he knows most people don’t even have their own bedroom to claim as their own, let alone their own houses. But one look at Chanyeol and Kyungsoo rethinks his protest, thinking that perhaps it would be better if they could be afforded some privacy.  
  
When they aren’t sleeping, they’re coordinating activities and helping out around the community. Some days they’re stuck in buildings, attending meetings and giving out input whenever it’s asked of them. Some days they’re in the fields, alongside people generations older than they are who don’t look half their age. And still some days they’re in front of computers, long strings of numbers and complicated notation on display for them to figure out. They’ve only figured out the biggest problem; it’s only now that they’ve got the time for the other, smaller ones.  
  
Chanyeol throws himself into his work, and so Kyungsoo does, too. By nightfall, they’re both exhausted enough to barely manage a meal, let alone a real conversation. They get to sit at a real dinner table, though, with all the elbow room in the world because it’s just the two of them. Here, in their little house, they don’t have to pretend.  
  
Chanyeol plants all but one of his seeds.  
  
  
_(“All this potential, Soo. In these little packets. Imagine us by comparison!” Chanyeol’s eyes gleam in excitement. Kyungsoo half-heartedly reciprocates, unwilling to spend too much time away from his calculations. They’ve almost got it. Almost.)_  
  
  
There are some nights where Kyungsoo does not get any sleep. It’s awful, because he knows he’s got a long day of work ahead of him (weekends are a thing of the past, there is no time for a rest day). But still, he does not go and ask for sleeping aids, suffering through the sleepless night instead.  
  
Because the only reason he can’t find sleep is because he can hear sounds from the bedroom adjacent to his own.  
  
Kyungsoo is tough, but even he cannot close his eyes and ignore the muffled sobs Chanyeol thinks he’s hiding into his standard-issue pillow. He lies awake in his bed, giving it his all to resist the temptation to get up, to go to Chanyeol. He knows Chanyeol would not appreciate it, knows that Chanyeol needs this. It doesn’t make it any easier.  
  
Sometimes Kyungsoo thinks that Chanyeol knows that he knows. Suspects it from the way Chanyeol can’t quite look him in the eyes the next morning, leaves after scarfing down the bland cereal they have every morning. These mornings Kyungsoo hates the most because these are the mornings he has the hardest time recognizing the person Chanyeol used to be on Earth.  
  
  
( _“They can’t be serious,” Chanyeol says. Kyungsoo watches as Chanyeol paces the room, agitation clear in his movements. “They can’t expect us to just… just go. And leave… leave them behind. That’s not the point, that was never the point! They can’t do this.”)_  
  
  
They get their first day off two months after they’ve landed, in celebration of their world’s ten year anniversary. There’s a mutual, unspoken agreement that it’s opportunity as any to sleep in, and so they do.  
  
By the time noon comes around, celebrations are in full swing around them. Rowdy laughter, excited shouting, music. There’s something very human about it, and the thought is warming.  
  
We have survived. _We have survived_ .  
  
However, for as much as they appreciate the festivities, neither feels the urge to join. Perhaps too used to their calm silence, they stay inside. Kyungsoo cooks – actually cooks! – for the first time in a long time, and they eat a light lunch together at their dining table.  
  
It’s as they’re clearing away the dishes that Chanyeol speaks, in the middle of drying the pan.  
  
“Do you ever regret it?”  
  
Kyungsoo looks sharply at him from where he’s just finishing off with the suds. Chanyeol is never the one to bring up subjects like this. Chanyeol is always the one to laugh off Kyungsoo’s negativity.  
  
Chanyeol is, Chanyeol _was_ .  
  
“No, Chanyeol, I don’t.” Kyungsoo sighs and wipes his hands, turning to look at his friend fully. “We did what we could. You can’t possibly expect more than that.”  
  
Chanyeol scowls, and the expression is so, _so_ ugly on him that Kyungsoo wants to look away. He hadn’t realized until now just how much he misses the old Chanyeol, the one who actually smiled like he meant it.  
  
“We weren’t meant to be super heroes,” Kyungsoo says softly.  
  
Chanyeol fixes him a stare then, and the memory rings in both of their ears.  
  
“I don’t want to be a super hero,” Chanyeol says finally. “I just want to be human.”  
  
Chanyeol walks out of the room then and Kyungsoo never gets to ask what Chanyeol thinks he is, if not human.  
  
  
_(Kyungsoo is there when Chanyeol breaks. They make it long enough to walk out of the board room dry-eyed, backs stiff. Kyungsoo is there when Chanyeol starts to cry. Outside, what remains of their world keeps on obliviously. Kyungsoo is there when Chanyeol loses his smile for good. Kyungsoo is there when they’re told that the world just cannot be saved.)_  
  
  
Their new world is beautiful, Kyungsoo thinks. Not in the way Earth had been, no, but beautiful in its own right. The jagged formation of rock formed over millennia, the strange flora that managed to grow unlike anything Kyungsoo had ever dreamed possible. There is even water, in its strange shade of purple before filtration.  
  
He knows Chanyeol feels the same, because every spare moment he’s got has him outside, exploring their new surroundings.  
  
“Kyungsoo, look,” Chanyeol says once, and Kyungsoo is almost too distracted to notice the plant Chanyeol is showing him because there’s a hint of that old spark in Chanyeol’s eyes. “Isn’t it gorgeous? Incredible. And how it survives on almost no water –” Chanyeol rambles on, theorizing about the biology of the shrub.  
  
Kyungsoo thinks that maybe if the Earth hadn’t gone to shambles and Chanyeol hadn’t been forced into the Engineering program, Chanyeol would have been a good botanist. Sure, Chanyeol’s got the brains to master astrophysics, but it’s clear he’s in his element here, surrounded by the greenery.  
  
But no matter how awed Chanyeol is over the potential of their new planet, Kyungsoo knows better. The scientist in Chanyeol is all Chanyeol has left. Kyungsoo knows better than anyone else that Chanyeol had left the rest of himself – including his heart – back on Earth.  
  
Kyungsoo can’t help but hope, no matter how selfishly, that perhaps would time would heal old wounds. That maybe Chanyeol could learn to love him like he had so loved Planet Earth. Like he had so loved the Kyungsoo of Planet Earth.  
  
  
_(“How can I even look at them in the eyes?” Chanyeol asks Kyungsoo a week before the final departure. “How can I smile at them and celebrate our success while simultaneously condemning them to death?”_  
  
_“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo answers truthfully. He doesn’t know. How do you tell seven billion people that they’re to be left behind, that there’s simply not enough time or resources to save everyone? Their superiors had only told them, “You don’t”.)_  
  
  
The first time it happens, Kyungsoo watches helplessly as Chanyeol trashes their laboratory, throwing anything in his reach and upending furniture.  
  
“I hate this,” Chanyeol seethes. “I _hate_ this.”  
  
Kyungsoo knows that behind closed doors, the leaders of their new world are feverishly trying to put new laws in place, new policies, to make sure this never happens again.  
  
It had only taken one person to have the whole town scrambling to put the fire out. Their new development is completely scorched, their sustainability efforts shot straight down the drain with it. They’ve got the arsonist apprehended, and they’re still deciding the suitable punishment.  
  
“We should have never come here,” Chanyeol spits out, and Kyungsoo isn’t surprised in the least. “We already destroyed one planet – what right do we have to destroy another?”  
  
“Chanyeol – the survival of the human race –” Kyungsoo attempts to reason, but it falls on deaf ears.  
  
“I don’t care about the human race!” Chanyeol shouts. “Why does it matter? Why do _we_ matter? What do we do besides destroy and ruin? Just look around you, Soo, there’s proof everywhere!”  
  
“Chanyeol, you can’t mean that,” Kyungsoo pleads, advancing cautiously. Chanyeol has stopped moving, standing rooted to the spot, staring at the floor.  
  
“Oh, I mean it, Kyungsoo. Evil is a human construct. It doesn’t exist anywhere but where we bring it. I can’t stand seeing it brought here, too. I might not have been able to save Earth, but I can’t just stand aside and watch us poison this planet.”  
  
  
_(“You must be joking,” Kyungsoo says, eyes wide as he stands frozen on the spot, horrified. “You can’t be serious._ "  
  
_“I’m deadly serious. I can’t go – not when the others can’t.” And it hurts so fucking much because Chanyeol really believes this. His stupid, bleeding, righteous heart that would gladly give up his spot so some undeserving civilian can take his spot, like he can be _ replaced _._  
  
_“And what about me, Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo snaps. “What would you have me do? Stay with you on this dying world so you can spend the rest of your miserable life feeling happy that you’re allowed to starve with the rest of them?”_  
  
_Chanyeol looks at him with wounded eyes and Kyungsoo wishes he could take his words back, even if he had meant every single one of them. But can’t Kyungsoo be selfish, just this once, when he’s given up so much already?_  
  
_“You would go with them, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says quietly. “I wouldn’t hold it against you.”_  
  
_Kyungsoo’s heart shatters right then. “And why,” Kyungsoo barely manages to get out, “do you think I would ever leave without you?”)_  
  
  
“Fuck you,” Kyungsoo spits back, as much venom as he can muster in those two words. “Fuck you, Park Chanyeol.”  
  
Chanyeol’s head snaps up, surprise and shock written over his face. But Kyungsoo doesn’t have time for that, doesn’t have time for Chanyeol and his stupidity and his blindness.  
  
“I am sick and tired of you and your pessimism and your hatred,” Kyungsoo snarls. “Do you know what I can’t stand? I can’t stand that you can stand there, healthy and alive, and detest it. I can’t stand that you grieve continuously over something that wasn’t your fault. I can’t stand that you’re lucky enough to be part of the miracle that is humanity and still you find reason to demean it.  
  
“But most of all, Park Chanyeol, I can’t stand that when I look around, all I see is _you_ . All I’ve ever seen is you. And you won’t even look at me, because I chose you over the world and you would _never_ choose me.”  
  
Chanyeol is not there when Kyungsoo breaks. Kyungsoo makes it long enough to storm out of the lab, dry-eyed and fists clenched. Chanyeol is not there when Kyungsoo starts to cry. Outside, humanity tries, because it’s all they can do, and they try with all their might. Chanyeol is not there when Kyungsoo’s heart breaks for the millionth time. Chanyeol is not there. Chanyeol is not there.  
  
  
_(“Please,” Kyungsoo begs, and he never begs. “Please, Chanyeol.”_  
  
_“Okay,” Chanyeol says finally, and Kyungsoo is so, so relieved. So relieved that he chooses to ignore the darkness that extinguishes the last bit of light Chanyeol’s eyes once held.)_  
  
  
“I did it for you,” Kyungsoo confesses. Chanyeol sits in the seat opposite from him, his own mug of tea slowly going cold in front of him. It’s been hours since their confrontation, hours since Kyungsoo had gone to the one place he was afforded privacy - the downside, of course, being that he shared this privacy with the one person he wanted to avoid the most. “From the very beginning. I did it for you.”  
  
Kyungsoo thinks about his parents, who had been amongst the first wave of deaths. Kyungsoo thinks about his brother, whom he hadn’t spoken to in over a decade. He doesn’t even know if his brother is alive – _was_ alive.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol says. The sincerity is what hurts the most. “I didn’t know.”  
  
Kyungsoo sighs. “You must have been the only one, then, who didn’t know,” he says weakly.  
  
They sit in silence for a long while. It’s nightfall, and most have retired to their homes after a long day of work. There’s been much progress on the rebuilding of the destroyed development, the citizens having seemingly been inspired by a shared sense of commitment.  
  
"I've felt such guilt over everything we've done. I've been so angry, and sad, and resentful." Chanyeol's eyebrows furrow in concentration. "But now I see how selfish it was of me to think that way, to put the blame on you too."

It breaks Kyungsoo's heart to hear Chanyeol say those words, to make them real.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what happened. But I can try to make amends here, now." Kyungsoo looks up and he sees Chanyeol looking at him the way that he used to, kind eyes and soft expression. "You've done so much for me that I don't deserve. It's time that I do it all for you, too."

And so Kyungsoo and Chanyeol began to have hope once again.

**Author's Note:**

> slowly working on reposting from livejournal to here. follow me on twitter @humptudumpy


End file.
